Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize