So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my being single is dangerous.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
