This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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