oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
