You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
