Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
