I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
two words: eviction party
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
