We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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