In America we eat man semen.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
