I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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