I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
