the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
