was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
