btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found your dick twin last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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