I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
