You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my liver is dry heaving
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