eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
