I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
