Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
