Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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