but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
