Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
