there's paper in my vomit.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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