Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
