i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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