we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
