apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize