So drunk its hurt
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
