Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
