so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
