Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
