the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
bring money and cleavage
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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