I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
