remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
