it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
