i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
