i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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