Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
