He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
