She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
