its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
