my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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