Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
