i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize