Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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