shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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