It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
