turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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