Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
