FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
