I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
