it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
