I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
