She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
