Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
