So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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