Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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