I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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