Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize