Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
