New low: just hacked my moms facebook
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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