I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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