Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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