Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
