In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
