I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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