dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i think i just lost a toe
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize