Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
