Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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