my mouth tastes like poor choices
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
