I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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