Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
