when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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