She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
